The “scary” age

I’m watching the end of a “Sex and the City” episode. Carrie and Miranda were just talking to one another about the “scary” age… the age that they feel they need to have a child by. (BTW, one of them said 43 and the other said 45.)

I turned 40 this year.

Back when I was married, I thought I’d be the mother of a couple of kids by the time I was 40. We did want kids. Being the youngest siblings in both of our families, we had lots of brothers and sisters to advise us to wait for a few years after marriage… saying that we needed our time to be a couple before welcoming a new life into the family… since a child would be a BIG change and that would be the end of “couple time” for many years.

So, we talked about it and decided that we’d wait for about 5 years. We did that then started trying, only to find that my hormones were completely out of balance. Then the trips and treatments at the OB/GYN clinic started.

A lot of that time period is a BIG blur, thanks to a fun thing called depression. (I could write many, many entries on that topic alone!) As it turned out… after years of hormone shots and pokes and prodding… depression was the cause of the hormone imbalance.

Needless to say, the depression ended and so did the marriage.

Okay, back to the “scary” age.  I guess mine used to be 35. (My mom was around that age when she had me.) When I actually turned 35, it felt strange. At 35, my mom had four kids, had been married for almost 13 years, and was about to move back to Japan with my dad and the rest of us. At 35, I had a boyfriend that was going to be an ex-bf by the end of the year, had five cats, and was feeling restless and confused about what to do with my life.

So… fast forward to age 40.  My “scary” age has passed. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been before and recently came to this realization: If I never have a child, that’s okay. I have seven nephews and nieces… so many of my good friends have kids and/or are now having kids of their own. I’m down to four cats now and though you can’t teach them to read and write or do chores, they do talk back from time to time.

Life is good… and no “scary” age in sight. =)


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mark Dimon
    Dec 23, 2010 @ 06:34:57

    You YOUNGSTER!! You’re still a tadpole… LOL.

    Me thinks that a catalyst for your depression coming to an end is that your marriage came to an end. So often one cannot exist without the other.

    Scary AGE? I’m happy that yours has passed. Mine needs to quit… it started in 1993 and there’s no end in site. LOL

    Keep pluggin’ away, Birdie… you’re at the top of my Favorit People List.



    • Birdie
      Feb 03, 2012 @ 02:51:14

      Youngster? Well, okay… in my heart, I am 16! =)

      Sorry for taking over a year to respond to your comment. It will do my best to not let it happen again! Ganbarimasu! =)


  2. keith
    Feb 02, 2012 @ 22:32:11

    Age is just a number. And you know who has this all planned out right? So – search for love and happiness and if it is supposed to happen, it will. All in His timing. (at least that is what I keep telling myself…)


    • Birdie
      Feb 03, 2012 @ 02:37:43

      You’re absolutely correct and I agree with you… age is just a number! (My お母さん has always had that mindset… guess it rubbed off, ne?) And I’ve learned that love and happiness comes in SO many different shapes and sizes. (Used to think it would appear on a big white horse and take me off into the sunset! LOL) (^^;)


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