Still Missing Someone

There are so many words spinning around in my head and emotions flowing through my heart, yet I don’t know where to begin.  Apologies in advanced if this becomes a lot of rambling on.

Today is my dad’s birthday.  If he were alive today, he’d be 77.  Almost eight and a half years have gone by since he passed.  It’s interesting how there are days when I can’t remember what I had for lunch the day before, but I can still remember exactly how everything was the very moment I heard the news.  Why is that?

I still miss my dad extremely.  Maybe that won’t ever change and that’s okay.  There are still messages on my answering machine from him… just can’t bring myself to erase them and, at the same time, it’s tough to actually listen to them because when I do, I end up crying so hard, it makes my heart hurt.

Three episodes of the new season of “Glee” were shown on Japanese cable this evening, including the special “farewell” episode for Cory Monteith.  (Yes, everything is a bit delayed over here because of having to overdub and add subtitles and such.)  Needless to say, my eyes are all swollen from the tears.

And what does “Glee” have to do with my dad?  He LOVED to sing!  And though he never saw the show, I think he would’ve enjoyed watching it.  He was in Glee Club when he was in school and music was a part of his every day.  I used to love listening to my parents, my mother sitting down at the piano and my dad standing next to her, the two of them harmonizing beautifully!

Have you lost someone you love?  If you haven’t experienced it, please hug those loved ones around you a little bit closer today.  If you have gone through it, you have my empathy and I send a warm, heartfelt virtual hug to you.

P.S.  It’s nice to be back and writing again.  Guess I have to thank my dad for that.  (Arigato, Otou-san!)

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What Scares You?

What were you afraid of when you were little?  Are you still afraid of that thing/those things now?

Fear is a strange thing.  It has changed quite a bit as I’ve gotten older.

When I was little…

I used to think there were monsters under my bed, but because I was so hot-natured, I’d end up sticking one foot out of the covers during the night, only to wake up, realize that and quickly cover my foot up.  😛

Being in a dark room wasn’t too scary, but shadows were.  Sometimes they looked like scary beings or frightening faces.  (Not always great to have an active imagination…)

Falling was always the biggest one.  I think it comes from falling out of a second-story window when I was 2 or 3 years old.  No broken bones or bruises… just a mom who screamed so loudly, my dad heard her from a half-mile away!  🙂

Now that I’m older…

The loss of loved ones.  People being in your life one moment and then gone in the next.  Yes, I know it’s all a part of living, but it’s a fear all the same.

The concept of forever/infinity.  Not sure why this is so scary to me, but when I think about it, my stomach seems to twist and turn in strange ways.

I’m still frightened of falling.  I will stand on a chair or a step-ladder when I absolutely have to, but it is NOT something which brings a smile to my face!

So, what scares you?  What kind of fears do you have?

(Oh, haunted houses at amusement parks aren’t thrilling places for me, either… especially Japanese ones because most of them are a walk-through type of thing!)