The “scary” age

I’m watching the end of a “Sex and the City” episode. Carrie and Miranda were just talking to one another about the “scary” age… the age that they feel they need to have a child by. (BTW, one of them said 43 and the other said 45.)

I turned 40 this year.

Back when I was married, I thought I’d be the mother of a couple of kids by the time I was 40. We did want kids. Being the youngest siblings in both of our families, we had lots of brothers and sisters to advise us to wait for a few years after marriage… saying that we needed our time to be a couple before welcoming a new life into the family… since a child would be a BIG change and that would be the end of “couple time” for many years.

So, we talked about it and decided that we’d wait for about 5 years. We did that then started trying, only to find that my hormones were completely out of balance. Then the trips and treatments at the OB/GYN clinic started.

A lot of that time period is a BIG blur, thanks to a fun thing called depression. (I could write many, many entries on that topic alone!) As it turned out… after years of hormone shots and pokes and prodding… depression was the cause of the hormone imbalance.

Needless to say, the depression ended and so did the marriage.

Okay, back to the “scary” age.  I guess mine used to be 35. (My mom was around that age when she had me.) When I actually turned 35, it felt strange. At 35, my mom had four kids, had been married for almost 13 years, and was about to move back to Japan with my dad and the rest of us. At 35, I had a boyfriend that was going to be an ex-bf by the end of the year, had five cats, and was feeling restless and confused about what to do with my life.

So… fast forward to age 40.  My “scary” age has passed. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been before and recently came to this realization: If I never have a child, that’s okay. I have seven nephews and nieces… so many of my good friends have kids and/or are now having kids of their own. I’m down to four cats now and though you can’t teach them to read and write or do chores, they do talk back from time to time.

Life is good… and no “scary” age in sight. =)